One of Those Days

The Silk Family just came out with their third book in the children series about their own family stories. This one is about their oldest son Levi, who is having One of Those Days. Through Mom’s love and encouragement realizes that it’s not how you start your day, but how you end it that really matters. Mom chooses to put relationship over her son’s failure and the end result is connection.
This funny, yet heartwarming story will help you discover what is most important in life.
Enjoy and learn from One of Those Days, which is available online May 2nd.

Previous books in the children series:

The Chicken Coop Kid, the first book in this series, highlights the connection between their daughter Brittney and Danny as they navigate through her poor decision regarding her chore.

Shorts in the Snow, the second book in this series, is about their youngest son Taylor and what happens when you let your child think through their problem and come up with a solution on their own.

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Tools for creating a fun and peaceful environment

Brittney Serpell

It was the first day of the Children’s Leaders Transformation School in Anderson, CA. About 40 people from all over the world gathered at the conference. Most of them were children ministry leaders from the U.S., some from Canada and others from South Africa, England and some more countries that were not mentioned. Brittney Serpell, Danny’s daughter, kicked off the conference.

Brittney discussed the tools of creating a heart to heart connection. Since I myself had Bethel Ministry School as my activation last year, I have been watching the Loving Our Kids on Purpose DVDs so I could with ease and peace just lean back and enjoy the repetition on kingdom parenting. Except, I would have to type while doing that.

Brittney mentioned, “One thing, which is so crucial to your team, is that you really need to commit to this way of training; otherwise, it becomes confusing. If this is something you want to do, get some resources.” In a true Danny style, she is powerful and pointing us to visualize the main clues.
“What is your goal?” asked Brittney and answers it herself… “A Heart- to heart connection. In Psalm 32:8, it talks about God not guiding us with an evil eye, but His heart. You lose them otherwise. I cannot stress that enough.” She goes on, sometimes speaking with a soft voice, for about an hour or so.

Grab a pen or copy and paste this, because this is golden information coming right at you:

1.There is a message by Danny called Seven Pillars of a Healthy Relationship:
Love, Respect, Self- Control, Responsibility, Truth, Faith and Vision… a must!

2.There are lies about power. Like thinking that anger, violence, or other people control me or that I control other people is having power.

3. There is The Big Red Button, which can basically be anything that annoys you. I agree with Brittney that whining and lying really gets me. Everybody has a big red button, but what do you do when they press it?

Brittney moved on to the problem solving stage. Which means, how to communicate in a loving self- controlled way.

The first one is called One-liners (Originated by Love and Logic). “You could just pay me right now, because these are so valuable. I know, probably so, that could be, I don’t know, nice try.” She explains that One-liners are created so you never have to argue with a child again, and that this will help you keep your self- control.

“It is so fun to watch people do this, because it works so well, but remember to never bring in the sarcasm. I am a pretty sarcastic person, so I make sure my tone is right. Sarcasm cannot be introduced to any of the stuff I am talking about.”

The next one is called: New language: “Oh no”, “What are you going to do” “ No problem and “Fun to be with.” “With these you are teaching them that there are life consequences, but there is no punishment, only consequences.”

Then comes: Giving choices. Which is about offering two choices in which either choice will make you deliriously happy. The rule is to always stick to the two choices you have offered. “With small kids who do not understand the word fun, you can show motions. One of the problems with choices is that people get stuck with what is a good choice?  I tell people to practice giving choices with people around you.”

Last, but not least, comes the importance of empathy while using these communication tools.  Having empathy means: consequences delivered with sorrow.
“It is going to help them face the consequences. Without empathy, people might not feel safe to come with their problems.” Brittney ends the whole session highlighting the primary concept for parenting: Set firm limits, take good care of yourself, use few words mixed with meaningful actions, give choices within those limits and let the consequences mixed with empathy do the teaching.

“It is really a language you want to learn. It is not a quick fix; it is a learning process. Only bite off what you can handle. I would work on one- liners first.”

I, Malene, am thinking to myself… that is a good word right there!

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Who are you?

Do you feel like a natural born leader? Are you friends with everyone? Do you love details or would you rather be the center of attention?

Different people have different behaviors and different behaviors will let you know more about who people are. Sadly a lot of people are not aware of their own behavior and thus might struggle with understanding themselves in various situations. So through Danny Silk’s teaching on this subject of different behaviors, allow me to introduce you to the D I S C and take you on a journey to get to know the Dominant, the Influential, the Steadfast and the Conscientious behavior styles. According to Danny Silk these are behaviors that we choose when we feel powerful or powerless. Thankfully, you do not always stay the same because human beings have the amazing phenomena called a choice, which gives you the possibility to grow in different areas.

Let us start with getting to know Mr. or Mrs. Dominant (D). A person with this behavior will want to be in charge in every environment. They are highly motivated by significance, which can make them struggle with insecurity since they need to feel valued, wanted and respected. You will easily notice them by their search for justice, eager to always win and for constantly pushing the limits. Emotionally they might often show anger, but it is not because they are evil or mean. The D`s are quite task oriented and committed to causes. So, don’t be surprised if they ask you why you want to meet with them. This is because everything needs to have a meaning. They like to get things done fast and will therefore fit well together with the Mr. and Mrs. Influential (I).

Give me that microphone - attitude is something you will recognize by running into an I-type person. You draw them to the surface when you give them a chance to express themselves. These ones have a huge need for connection and truly enjoys communication with people, getting them to laugh, cry and so on. They love being creative and the center of attention, which is why rejection can become a problem for them since they might perform for acceptance. While a D would want certainty in cases, the I`s seem to get triggered by uncertainty because they value freedom so much. That is why structure is an enemy to them. Remember that the I`s are fast thinkers, which makes verbal processing the norm among them. If something bad happens, you probably rather want the optimistic I around, than the overwhelmed, unemotional Mr. or Mrs. Steadfast (S).

Ever met a person who is always there for you? They might be the ones who are most like Jesus in this area, because of their servant hood and loyalty. They love to meet other peoples’ need, and unless you hurt them, they are easygoing and will avoid conflict to the end, which makes it their biggest weakness. Nevertheless, the glue would be a nice description of these people who want everyone to be together and in community. This again will explain why the S `s are motivated by connection and, like the I`s, are very relational and do not mind uncertainty. If you mix a D with an S

when it comes to showing emotions, the D will often think they do not care, but the S is just overwhelmed. They are more sensitive to changes and thus would make a good couple with Mr. or Mrs. Conscientious.

For safety reasons, you should want your brain surgeon to be one of these people, because according to them, life is in the details. Anyone who knows a C would not be surprised if they joined a FB group called, “We who love to learn and analyze.” Their value and need for getting things right makes them good researchers, and has most likely made many D and I´s frustrated because of their slow pace in getting things done. Thankfully they can always partner with an S for understanding in this area. Since they also value certainty and structure, they would be the first to feel the fear of failure because they do not want to be out of control or make any mistakes. Like the D`s they are task oriented, committed and less relational. If security would be their home, quick changes would be the fire attacking their safe house.

The journey is over. Thank you for being on board. Hopefully you have learned a little more about yourself and the people around you. You might be a high D, I , S, C or, like most people, a mix of two or three. Anyway, good luck on the continuing journey of getting to know your self better.

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What is a leader?

He starts off with a couple of jokes and asks how many have had to lead. Half of the room raises their hands. Then only a couple hands stay in the air as he continues, “How many have had anyone following you?”

The beauty of interning with Loving On Purpose is that it gives you the great privilege of listening to Danny and Sheri whenever they are teaching somewhere. This time Danny spoke about leadership in the 2nd year Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I got myself a seat in the back since I needed a table to put my white Mac Book. The 2nd year students had just started their semester, so this was their first time hearing Danny speak again. In turning on my journalistic mode, here

we go:

In Danny’s opinion, it is easier to teach leadership to leaders than to people who are not. “Believe me I have taught people who were not leaders,” says Danny and starts off by sharing a couple of personal experiences as a leader. He tells the students about the five to six years when he and his wife were living in a group home with juveniles, and how he, after these years, finally realized that you don’t have a solution for someone who does not have a problem. The former family pastor continues to share about when he came to Bethel in 2001.

“The worship was awesome, but there was very little in the line of children’s ministry and Kris Vallotton was the only counselor.” Danny’s first job at Bethel was to do 40 hours a week of counseling. This was not what Danny wanted, so the first thing he did was to build a counseling team.

“The main thing for a leader to remember is that he/she is powerful. The moment you feel powerless means someone else has power over your life. You have to keep creating time because that is the way you can get to build things.” Danny says that he creates time so that he can think, pray and build. He then warns the students who become good at things, that they have to know that people will want what they have and try to get it.

“As a leader you have to learn how to say no and how to stay responsible for your time.” Danny advises the students to find people who are passionate about what they as leaders need done, so that they can concentrate on their strengths instead. In other words, gather people who want to go where you are going. While walking down that road, Danny says, “Remember not to work harder on another person’s problem than they do.”

“Learn how to build people up and how to invest in the empowering and growth in the people you lead. Learn how to strengthen while you lead, because you have to become a people developer and keep going,” claims Danny. “You have to plan how to do something different than you have experienced. As a leader, you have the power to show who the Father is. Jesus said, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.” Then Danny says one of my favorite quotes from this day, “There are lots of ways to learn honor, but the most productive way is by showing it.”

“Find out where the point of your anxiety is and deal with it. Look for ways to help your team and it will make you look like a genius.” “Why?” asks Danny before answering his own question. “Because I have a team of free and powerful people.” For the leaders who do not know what to do in a situation, Danny has that answer for that problem too. You just start asking questions. If nothing else, it buys you time.

Danny ends his lesson by summing up the two most important things a leader should remember, “Play to your strengths and deal with your constraints.” I am sitting there in the back and can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed from all his good teaching and advice on leadership. I thought I already knew all this, but obviously there is always more to learn. Thanks Danny!

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Introduction to the new LOP interns

Yes, this is me, Malene.
Told you I love to laugh=)

It is a new school year, a new season, and a new person writing this blog. Who am I?
Well, if I were to tell you everything at once you would for 1. Sit there for the rest of
the day. 2. Be bored before reading through half of it 3. Miss the wonderfulness of
getting to know me as time goes by. So let me just start off by giving you three words
that would describe me in a nutshell, at least one of my nutshells: Viking, creative,
love to laugh.

Round two, we might as well move fast since I am the one in charge right now. I am
a Norwegian who truly loves my country. I grew up on a farm with four other sisters,
which means I could definitely have needed some communication skills from birth.
This reminds me to inform you that my birth date showed I turned 27 this summer,
even though most people think I am 18-22. This is of course before they get to know
me and see all the wisdom I carry (or want to carry). The 15th of May I took a risk
and started dating a handsome Swede, who unfortunately is not attending the 3rd year
School of Ministry with me in Redding, CA, but is continuing his medical studies
back in Norway instead. God bless him. Gotta love skype though! By the way, my
name is Malene, with an E that sounds like an A. ;)

My home sweet home farm in a village of about 60 people in Norway

Which reminds me that while I still have you here, it wouldn’t hurt to mention a
couple of things that I love (not in the right order, though): My country, I scream ,
you scream, we all scream for… - And yes, Cookie dough is among my favorites, my
family, being active – sports, photography, the RADIO, laughing, dreaming, traveling
with people I love, chocolate- after all, I am a normal girl, and JESUS – who is truly
my faithful best friend!

Also, I want to let you know why I chose this internship, because if I didn’t make
that clear, my new friend Katie and I are the new interns for Loving on Purpose. For
my own sake and on behalf of my family, I just want to learn everything I can about
communication and relationship. For years I have been carrying this desire to be able
to communicate well. Like many others, I have been a victim of broken relationships
too many times. So I want to learn even more about how to set boundaries and value
and loving people even if they hurt me. And oh, I almost forgot to mention: I am
truly grateful for being under both Sheri and Danny. I almost could not believe it
when I got accepted- God is good! Ok, your turn Miss Katie:

Hey, my name is Katie. I’m from Canada and I am one of the Loving on Purpose
interns this year at Bethel Church. I went through first and second year in the School
of Supernatural Ministry and this has been my dream all along; To intern under
Danny and Sheri Silk. I’ll be helping to keep you up-to-date on Danny and Sheri’s
newest teachings, and helping with exciting new product and media. It’s going to be
good-so be sure to keep an eye out.

A little about me: I have done YWAM (Youth With a Mission) and went to Bible
college for counseling and theology. I love hearing people’s hearts and working
through relationship issues and life problems. My biggest passion is to see people
become the best them they can be, which is seeing themselves the way God seems
them. I have had quite a journey with the Lord and overcoming my struggle with fear,

so I love to see fear eradicated from people’s lives and see them encounter God’s
perfect love.

I enjoy being outside and being at the beach; swimming is probably my favorite thing
to do, which is why I have dream to swim with dolphins one day. I drink more tea
than any English person I know, but I also have a fond love for coffee. I love having
fun, laughing and being with my friends. As well as living in California, I like to
travel to see new places, new architecture, try new foods and learn the history of
different places I visit. I’m always up for a walk, a road trip or an adventure. This
year feels just like that, an adventure. It’s an exciting season to learn a lot by gaining
new ground and partaking in an amazing journey.

In the end I (Malene) just want to say, hello and welcome to join me on my
adventures as I bring Danny and Sheri’s teachings alive to all y’all. =)

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Relationships 101 (Part 3) - Disagreeing Honorably

How can two people disagree honorably? Is there such a thing? Week 3 of Danny and Sheri’s Relationship class, this question was brought to the surface. Danny explained, “In a culture of honor, both people in the conversation matter; therefore,we don’t have to agree. It’s our job to listen and our goal to understand.” He went onto say that this can be seen between spouses, between parent and child, and even between our spiritual leaders and us. “When you don’t do what I want you to do, and my response is to be punishing or to withhold my love from you, this is dishonoring.” In essence, when we respond like this, we are saying, “I want control - you should only do what I want you to do,” because we don’t trust them to make their own choices.
Dishonor says, “I have the power - you have no power.” Somehow, people can often bring a lie into their marriages, which is one of us gets to have the most power. You can control yourself and yourself alone. You don’t have all the power, but you are also not powerless. So when we disagree, becoming a T-Rex (pretending you have all the power) or a victim (pretending you have no power) is not the answer. To honor each other in disagreement, we must both realize that there are two powerful people in this conversation. Our goal is to UNDERSTAND, not to agree! “Making ‘agreement’ the goal, is when it gets ugly,” Danny said. “Negotiate, keep communication open, and make connection your goal above this issue!” he urged.
When you’re disconnected is NOT the time to solve a problem. “I wouldn’t talk to a drunk person on the street about the fact that they need life skills, would I?” remarked Danny. “In the same way, we don’t want to be trying to solve our problems when we’re EMOTIONALLY intoxicated. Don’t try to work on an issue when someone’s emotions are running rampant.”
In a disagreement or conflict, the way we talk and the motives we assign to the other person will be according to either our connection or our issue. This is why making connection the goal, even in the midst of conflict, is so important. If distance is my goal, I can’t see you doing anything right! But if my goal is love and connection, it doesn’t matter what you do. “The number one tool for changing a lousy marriage is to change your goal back to a good connection,” Danny concluded. Honoring each other in disagreement is a practiced skill, so it will take time and patience. It comes with having the right goal, listening well, and respecting each other’s differences. By remembering that there is more than one way to see everything, you’ll keep honor alive even in the most adverse situations.

For more information on honor or resolving conflict, check out Danny’s leadership series, Honor Among Us or Keys to Confrontation at www.lovingonpurpose.com. Our newest edition of DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP course includes sessions on communication, love languages, and 7 Pillars to Healthy Relationships!

Thanks for following this blog,

Stephanie Foster
Loving On Purpose Intern

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