Introduction to the new LOP interns

Yes, this is me, Malene.
Told you I love to laugh=)

It is a new school year, a new season, and a new person writing this blog. Who am I?
Well, if I were to tell you everything at once you would for 1. Sit there for the rest of
the day. 2. Be bored before reading through half of it 3. Miss the wonderfulness of
getting to know me as time goes by. So let me just start off by giving you three words
that would describe me in a nutshell, at least one of my nutshells: Viking, creative,
love to laugh.

Round two, we might as well move fast since I am the one in charge right now. I am
a Norwegian who truly loves my country. I grew up on a farm with four other sisters,
which means I could definitely have needed some communication skills from birth.
This reminds me to inform you that my birth date showed I turned 27 this summer,
even though most people think I am 18-22. This is of course before they get to know
me and see all the wisdom I carry (or want to carry). The 15th of May I took a risk
and started dating a handsome Swede, who unfortunately is not attending the 3rd year
School of Ministry with me in Redding, CA, but is continuing his medical studies
back in Norway instead. God bless him. Gotta love skype though! By the way, my
name is Malene, with an E that sounds like an A. ;)

My home sweet home farm in a village of about 60 people in Norway

Which reminds me that while I still have you here, it wouldn’t hurt to mention a
couple of things that I love (not in the right order, though): My country, I scream ,
you scream, we all scream for… - And yes, Cookie dough is among my favorites, my
family, being active – sports, photography, the RADIO, laughing, dreaming, traveling
with people I love, chocolate- after all, I am a normal girl, and JESUS – who is truly
my faithful best friend!

Also, I want to let you know why I chose this internship, because if I didn’t make
that clear, my new friend Katie and I are the new interns for Loving on Purpose. For
my own sake and on behalf of my family, I just want to learn everything I can about
communication and relationship. For years I have been carrying this desire to be able
to communicate well. Like many others, I have been a victim of broken relationships
too many times. So I want to learn even more about how to set boundaries and value
and loving people even if they hurt me. And oh, I almost forgot to mention: I am
truly grateful for being under both Sheri and Danny. I almost could not believe it
when I got accepted- God is good! Ok, your turn Miss Katie:

Hey, my name is Katie. I’m from Canada and I am one of the Loving on Purpose
interns this year at Bethel Church. I went through first and second year in the School
of Supernatural Ministry and this has been my dream all along; To intern under
Danny and Sheri Silk. I’ll be helping to keep you up-to-date on Danny and Sheri’s
newest teachings, and helping with exciting new product and media. It’s going to be
good-so be sure to keep an eye out.

A little about me: I have done YWAM (Youth With a Mission) and went to Bible
college for counseling and theology. I love hearing people’s hearts and working
through relationship issues and life problems. My biggest passion is to see people
become the best them they can be, which is seeing themselves the way God seems
them. I have had quite a journey with the Lord and overcoming my struggle with fear,

so I love to see fear eradicated from people’s lives and see them encounter God’s
perfect love.

I enjoy being outside and being at the beach; swimming is probably my favorite thing
to do, which is why I have dream to swim with dolphins one day. I drink more tea
than any English person I know, but I also have a fond love for coffee. I love having
fun, laughing and being with my friends. As well as living in California, I like to
travel to see new places, new architecture, try new foods and learn the history of
different places I visit. I’m always up for a walk, a road trip or an adventure. This
year feels just like that, an adventure. It’s an exciting season to learn a lot by gaining
new ground and partaking in an amazing journey.

In the end I (Malene) just want to say, hello and welcome to join me on my
adventures as I bring Danny and Sheri’s teachings alive to all y’all. =)

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Relationships 101 (Part 3) - Disagreeing Honorably

How can two people disagree honorably? Is there such a thing? Week 3 of Danny and Sheri’s Relationship class, this question was brought to the surface. Danny explained, “In a culture of honor, both people in the conversation matter; therefore,we don’t have to agree. It’s our job to listen and our goal to understand.” He went onto say that this can be seen between spouses, between parent and child, and even between our spiritual leaders and us. “When you don’t do what I want you to do, and my response is to be punishing or to withhold my love from you, this is dishonoring.” In essence, when we respond like this, we are saying, “I want control - you should only do what I want you to do,” because we don’t trust them to make their own choices.
Dishonor says, “I have the power - you have no power.” Somehow, people can often bring a lie into their marriages, which is one of us gets to have the most power. You can control yourself and yourself alone. You don’t have all the power, but you are also not powerless. So when we disagree, becoming a T-Rex (pretending you have all the power) or a victim (pretending you have no power) is not the answer. To honor each other in disagreement, we must both realize that there are two powerful people in this conversation. Our goal is to UNDERSTAND, not to agree! “Making ‘agreement’ the goal, is when it gets ugly,” Danny said. “Negotiate, keep communication open, and make connection your goal above this issue!” he urged.
When you’re disconnected is NOT the time to solve a problem. “I wouldn’t talk to a drunk person on the street about the fact that they need life skills, would I?” remarked Danny. “In the same way, we don’t want to be trying to solve our problems when we’re EMOTIONALLY intoxicated. Don’t try to work on an issue when someone’s emotions are running rampant.”
In a disagreement or conflict, the way we talk and the motives we assign to the other person will be according to either our connection or our issue. This is why making connection the goal, even in the midst of conflict, is so important. If distance is my goal, I can’t see you doing anything right! But if my goal is love and connection, it doesn’t matter what you do. “The number one tool for changing a lousy marriage is to change your goal back to a good connection,” Danny concluded. Honoring each other in disagreement is a practiced skill, so it will take time and patience. It comes with having the right goal, listening well, and respecting each other’s differences. By remembering that there is more than one way to see everything, you’ll keep honor alive even in the most adverse situations.

For more information on honor or resolving conflict, check out Danny’s leadership series, Honor Among Us or Keys to Confrontation at www.lovingonpurpose.com. Our newest edition of DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP course includes sessions on communication, love languages, and 7 Pillars to Healthy Relationships!

Thanks for following this blog,

Stephanie Foster
Loving On Purpose Intern

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Relationships 101 (Part 2) “Expensive Love”

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 (NASB) 

Much happens between your glorious wedding day and “till death do you part.” Crying babies, fun relatives, challenging finances, and stressful careers are just a few of the things that test our connection with our spouse. It may start out easy, but once we’re married, how do we stay connected throughout the twists and turns of life? How can we protect that “oneness” which God intended? To the delight of the Supernatural School of Ministry students, Danny and Sheri Silk addressed this question Week 2 of their Relationship class. 

“Love is the most expensive thing on earth,” Danny said. “If you’re not willing to pay what it costs, then you don’t get it. Think about your kids. You give them everything and they give you nothing, but you still love them more than anything!” Happy relationships don’t happen just by getting what I want all the time. It involves meeting the needs of my spouse that maybe I don’t have or understand. Danny explained that to maintain connection in our relationships, we have to take the time to give each other good information (because your spouse can’t read your mind) and learn to value each other’s different needs. Maybe your wife loves back scratches, but you don’t like them and don’t like giving them. Part of love is willing to lay down what you want in order to give her what she needs. “Are you willing to do the work to get to the next level?” 

As your marriage cruises along the road of life, the bumps and potholes are what’s going to show you how strong your relationship is. “You don’t know that you have love or covenant until there’s a demand put on it!” Danny and Sheri said. When these tests come along, we can choose to strengthen our connection, instead of protecting a fragile one. First, you must have connection before you discuss conflict! Second, remember that protecting your connection is more important than any conflict you may have. Anxiety likes to fill the gap when we’re disconnected. When that is your goal and your love is on, you can talk through things without letting fear have control of the conversation. 

In Genesis 2:24, “to be joined” literally means “to be cemented together.” “Similar to the Trinity,” the Silks explained, “we have distinct components but we are one.” What happens if you try to pull two cemented boards apart? Part of this one sticks to that one, and part of that one sticks to this one. When we break covenant with each other, we end up walking away without our whole self. “If you’ve been divorced, you might have to get some stuff back in order to fully devote yourself to your current marriage,” said Sheri. We were created for wholeness and intimacy, and part of that involves becoming vulnerable and letting people see the real us. “It’s like an eyeball- touching contest!” Danny explained as the class laughed. “It’s really scary being vulnerable! It takes courage, but it will strengthen your connection.” Can I be real with you? Can you handle who I am? Will you still value me? Will you still love me as I am? Mature love says, “Yes!” 

(More crucial keys for connection can be found in Danny’s NEWEST edition of DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP Course! 

DVD set, CD set, and Workbook are available now at www.lovingonpurpose.com. More information can be found at: dtr.lovingonpurpose.com. Lessons include Love Languages, The Communication Dance, 7 Pillars of Healthy Relationships, and Powerful People, Powerful Decisions. Stay tuned for Week 3 of the Silk’s Relationship Class!) 

Stephanie Foster Loving On Purpose Intern

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Relationships 101

A relationship class designed to equip School of Supernatural Ministry couples for strong, healthy, happy marriages? Taught by the Silks? You bet! This 5-week class at Bethel Church kicked off with an inspiring teaching by Sheri Silk. The room was filled with couples eager to learn more about what it takes to have a solid marriage. “We want to add strength to married couples and to give you tools,” Sheri told the group. According to a statistic that she shared, 50% of marriages today end in divorce, even in the church! So how can we build a love that lasts, a connection that never severs? “Danny and I spent many years disconnected,” Sheri said. “Connect, disconnect. Connect, disconnect. That’s how we lived. But now, living connected is our goal!” A huge component of staying connected is communication. “You can’t just expect that because you’re a human, you know how to communicate. Communication is an art,” Sheri told the class. Contrary to popular belief, the goal of communication is neither to convince nor to come to an agreement. It is simply to UNDERSTAND. Trying to control or make our spouse be exactly like us, doesn’t work. In order to understand each other, we must be vulnerable and speak the truth. “Everyone comes into a marriage with their ‘normal’,” Sheri said. “With their junk.” What you experienced in your family may have been dysfunctional, without you even knowing it. She went on to explain that when she and Danny got married, their normal was chaos, because that’s what they had learned. How you react to things, how you problem solve, and how you communicate to your loved one may not be “normal,” even though it’s what you assimilated growing up. Sometimes inner healing and/or counseling is what’s necessary for the work through ‘normal’ behaviors, like anger, passivity, manipulation, etc. Next, Sheri outlined the definition of “intimacy,” which is not just about sex. It is about “in-to-me-you-see.” Safety, vulnerability, acceptance, and trust are all key elements to building intimacy. “Danny manages himself towards me; I manage myself towards him,” she said. She then opened a power point about the trust/mistrust cycle, which shows how if someone’s needs are left unmet, mistrust develops. “Danny likes to drive fast,” she smiled. But when Danny drove fast with her in the car, it did not meet her need to feel safe and secure! And him not meeting that need was affecting their relationship. “Why are you scared? There’s no reason. I’m a safe driver!” Danny would say, but that’s kind of like telling someone, “You’re not hungry!” You may know your spouse really well, but their needs are going to be different than your own. Part of love is meeting those needs, even if you don’t really relate to them. “If I have to protect myself from you all day long, then we won’t have intimacy,” Sheri explained to the couples. Intimacy and connection is the goal! So now Danny drives a bit slower when Sheri is in the car, because he loves her and wants to protect her need for security and safety. Only the surface of the marital mountain of wisdom was scratched, but already there was a better sense of understanding of relationship. So how will you handle yourself in your marriage? Is intimacy and connection your goal? Stay tuned for more from the relationship class! Stephanie Foster Intern with Loving On Purpose

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Parenting with Danny - Part 3 - Creating Connection

SELF-CONTROL, FREEDOM, and CONNECTION:

We were all created to experience these in full measure, including our children. Our last two sessions of “Parenting with Danny” discussed the importance of training our children to manage themselves so they can live in freedom successfully. In this final part, we are looking at how to develop the most crucial part of being a parent: connection with your child.
The first step is to make love and connection the goal of your relationship. “Your heart connected to your child’s heart is the goal,” Danny said. “College isn’t the goal. Getting the dishes done isn’t the goal. Keeping spaghetti on the high chair isn’t even the goal!” You have to make a choice; is love and connection your goal or control and distance? “Love has the power to sort through what you would normally not want to deal with,” explained Danny. Keeping your love “turned on,” whether in conflict or in harmony, will help to
sustain your connection.
“Unfortunately, one of the best-kept secrets in families is, ‘I love you very much,’” he said. Many people grow up in environments where love is assumed but not ever expressed, but connection occurs through successful transfers of “I love you very much.” So it is vital that you know how your child hears love best.
Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages, which describes five common ways that people experience love. They include gifts, touch, acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. Knowing your child’s love languages will enable you to give them love in the way that they best receive it.
They may be different than your languages, but, as Danny stated, “Love says, ‘I am willing to do what you need.’” By using these languages to express love to your child day after day, and keeping connection the goal even in conflict, your child will begin to feel that love. And in the development of your connection, truth
will be exchanged. They will learn to trust you, because they know that your goal is not control, but love.
“When my child won’t do what I’ve asked them to do, I’d better check my connection with them,” Danny disclosed. He gave this example: Think of a tissue. I’m holding onto one end, and you’re holding onto the other. If I start pulling on this connection, it’s going to break! But if we’re each holding onto a rope, that connection will make it through a lot of yanking! Similarly in human connections, we will see the strength of our relationship when it’s tested, so don’t be afraid of testing. Protect your connection with your child above all else. No problem is as big as the disconnect problem. If you have a disconnect with them, the work
starts with you. Take time to build the connection again. Be responsible for any disrespect you have shown and ask for forgiveness if needed. Be sure to listen, take time to understand what they’re feeling, respond, and change. “There isn’t a more powerful voice in a child’s life than a parent who is connected to them,”
Danny said. “Your voice connected to their heart has no competition.”

Thanks so much for following our Parenting blog!

Stephanie Foster, Loving on Purpose Intern
For more information, check out:
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

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Parenting with Danny (Part 2 - Freedom Training)

Our children were created for freedom. They were designed to use their self-control to manage their lives, but how do we train them without using the world’s methods of power and control? In this continuation of our previous blog on parenting, Danny equips parents with tools for successful freedom training. First, we must change our way of thinking. Remember that self-control is a critical need in every person. “Having no power is a terrible experience for human beings,” Danny said. “It brings out the worst in us because control is one of our deepest needs.” If you demand all the control when in the presence of your child, the only time they will
feel like a human being is when they are resisting your instructions! But once you begin to understand this need for self-control and its integral part in the human design, the myths of power and control will begin to dissipate. Instead of using anger or threats of punishment to bring your child to a decision, simply empower them with the tool of choices.

For example, if your toddler is throwing a tantrum, you can offer them two
choices: “Room or Fun?” (A method from Love and Logic®.) They can decide to go to their room until they are ready to calm down (and you can help them if needed), or they can be “fun.” “When I offer choices, I’m setting limits, but also communicating to them that they are powerful,” Danny explained. Try these: “Would you like to clean your room or would you like to pay me to clean it for you?” “Feel free to join us for dinner after you’ve finished your chore. Take your time.” These choices train your child that it is their job to manage their life. Be sure to have a plan for whatever it is that they choose, and stick to it. Setting firm limits and boundaries will help maintain an environment of responsibility and respect in your home. “We train our children- whether or not we meanwhat we say,” Danny said.

It’s essential that you value yourself throughout the process. The respect that other people give you will not change until your value for yourself changes. You get to decide what kind of conversations you participate in, whether respectful or disrespectful. “The goal is to get control of you back, so that no matter what they do, you can show up w ith the best you,” Danny exhorted. He made it a rule of sanity to: never argue with your child, but to use few words mixed with meaningful actions. If we stop doing the thinking for our kids, we’ll get to see their brains in action. He also relayed the importance of letting consequences mixed with empathy do the teaching. Lecturing to a closed ear won’t help anyone. Yet throughout the session, Danny emphasized the
importance of connection with your child. It will take time and practice to change a way of thinking, so give yourself a break and practice one piece of the teaching at a time. Still wondering how to pursue
connection with your child? More tools are in store for the next blog!

By Stephanie Foster
(Intern for Loving On Purpose)

You can find more parenting information on:
www.lovingonpurpose.com
www.loveandlogic.com

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