Honor and Confrontation

Have you ever wondered what a culture of honor really looks like? On Friday morning at
the School of Transformation and Strategy in Anderson, CA, Danny Silk shared a key message
to understanding and maintaining a lifestyle of honor.
“The heart of honor,” Danny said, “is to take the strength of my life and pour it into you.”
We honor our children by giving them powerful choices; we honor our friends and spouses by
helping them maximize their potential; we honor our leaders by supporting and strengthening
them. It is all about empowering the people around us, whether man, woman, young, old, leader,
or follower. And we do all this because of love. When we honor, we’re protecting our
connections with each other, not controlling each other. My relationship with you is more
important than you doing what I want you to do. The result of a culture of honor is powerful
people running together, all bound together by covenant relationships. Sound good?
It is - in fact, it’s heavenly! But like everything in God’s kingdom, there’s a divine tension.

“Having a culture of honor is like having a whole stall full of Clydesdales!” Danny laughed. “Big
butts and big shoulders… and it hurts when I step on you! There are messes everywhere!”
When you give the people around you permission to be powerful and control themselves, there’s
the definite possibility that they will use that freedom to excuse selfish behavior. Because of
that, Danny pointed out that the skills of confrontation are indispensable.
For most people, confrontation of sin is very scary, possibly even disastrous in their
experience! But it doesn’t have to be that way. Danny said, “Confrontation is strategically
applied pressure to expose areas that need strength and grace.” When we confront someone,
we’re letting them know, “When you do this, it scares me,” not, “Stop doing that, or else!” When
we confront, the goal is to find the problem (if there is one), not to get a confession. Danny gave
an example from his years of working at an auto shop: when a tire came in with a leak, he would
hold the tire under water until he saw bubbles rising from the tire, showing him where the hole
was. Yelling at the tire, threatening to throw it into the fire, or dashing it into pieces was NOT
going to help Danny find the problem. So what is the problem? Until we know the problem, the
healing can’t start. So rather than using judgment or punishment to gain control of a mess, we
honor each other by “restoring gently” (Gal. 6:1). To dishonor someone is to say or imply, “I
have all the power - you have no power.” Jesus doesn't use his power to control us, nor does
he want to. “If you want to be a control freak, control YOU!” Danny said. When we confront, it
must be motivated by love and a desire for the success of the other person, not a need for
control of the situation.
A culture of honor will be messy at times, but ultimately exquisite in God’s sight, because
we are valuing the power He’s put in each of His creations. Are we all about seeing the success
of the person next to us, no matter who they are or where they’re at? What will honor look like
for you?
If you’d like more information about honor and confrontation, check out Danny’s
messages, “Keys to Confrontation,” “Community of Believers,” and the “Honor Among Us”
series. You can find them at the www.lovingonpurpose.com store.


Stephanie Foster
9-28-2010