Parenting with Danny (Part 2 - Freedom Training)

Our children were created for freedom. They were designed to use their self-control to manage their lives, but how do we train them without using the world’s methods of power and control? In this continuation of our previous blog on parenting, Danny equips parents with tools for successful freedom training. First, we must change our way of thinking. Remember that self-control is a critical need in every person. “Having no power is a terrible experience for human beings,” Danny said. “It brings out the worst in us because control is one of our deepest needs.” If you demand all the control when in the presence of your child, the only time they will
feel like a human being is when they are resisting your instructions! But once you begin to understand this need for self-control and its integral part in the human design, the myths of power and control will begin to dissipate. Instead of using anger or threats of punishment to bring your child to a decision, simply empower them with the tool of choices.

For example, if your toddler is throwing a tantrum, you can offer them two
choices: “Room or Fun?” (A method from Love and Logic®.) They can decide to go to their room until they are ready to calm down (and you can help them if needed), or they can be “fun.” “When I offer choices, I’m setting limits, but also communicating to them that they are powerful,” Danny explained. Try these: “Would you like to clean your room or would you like to pay me to clean it for you?” “Feel free to join us for dinner after you’ve finished your chore. Take your time.” These choices train your child that it is their job to manage their life. Be sure to have a plan for whatever it is that they choose, and stick to it. Setting firm limits and boundaries will help maintain an environment of responsibility and respect in your home. “We train our children- whether or not we meanwhat we say,” Danny said.

It’s essential that you value yourself throughout the process. The respect that other people give you will not change until your value for yourself changes. You get to decide what kind of conversations you participate in, whether respectful or disrespectful. “The goal is to get control of you back, so that no matter what they do, you can show up w ith the best you,” Danny exhorted. He made it a rule of sanity to: never argue with your child, but to use few words mixed with meaningful actions. If we stop doing the thinking for our kids, we’ll get to see their brains in action. He also relayed the importance of letting consequences mixed with empathy do the teaching. Lecturing to a closed ear won’t help anyone. Yet throughout the session, Danny emphasized the
importance of connection with your child. It will take time and practice to change a way of thinking, so give yourself a break and practice one piece of the teaching at a time. Still wondering how to pursue
connection with your child? More tools are in store for the next blog!

By Stephanie Foster
(Intern for Loving On Purpose)

You can find more parenting information on:
www.lovingonpurpose.com
www.loveandlogic.com