Relationships 101 (Part 2) “Expensive Love”

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 (NASB) 

Much happens between your glorious wedding day and “till death do you part.” Crying babies, fun relatives, challenging finances, and stressful careers are just a few of the things that test our connection with our spouse. It may start out easy, but once we’re married, how do we stay connected throughout the twists and turns of life? How can we protect that “oneness” which God intended? To the delight of the Supernatural School of Ministry students, Danny and Sheri Silk addressed this question Week 2 of their Relationship class. 

“Love is the most expensive thing on earth,” Danny said. “If you’re not willing to pay what it costs, then you don’t get it. Think about your kids. You give them everything and they give you nothing, but you still love them more than anything!” Happy relationships don’t happen just by getting what I want all the time. It involves meeting the needs of my spouse that maybe I don’t have or understand. Danny explained that to maintain connection in our relationships, we have to take the time to give each other good information (because your spouse can’t read your mind) and learn to value each other’s different needs. Maybe your wife loves back scratches, but you don’t like them and don’t like giving them. Part of love is willing to lay down what you want in order to give her what she needs. “Are you willing to do the work to get to the next level?” 

As your marriage cruises along the road of life, the bumps and potholes are what’s going to show you how strong your relationship is. “You don’t know that you have love or covenant until there’s a demand put on it!” Danny and Sheri said. When these tests come along, we can choose to strengthen our connection, instead of protecting a fragile one. First, you must have connection before you discuss conflict! Second, remember that protecting your connection is more important than any conflict you may have. Anxiety likes to fill the gap when we’re disconnected. When that is your goal and your love is on, you can talk through things without letting fear have control of the conversation. 

In Genesis 2:24, “to be joined” literally means “to be cemented together.” “Similar to the Trinity,” the Silks explained, “we have distinct components but we are one.” What happens if you try to pull two cemented boards apart? Part of this one sticks to that one, and part of that one sticks to this one. When we break covenant with each other, we end up walking away without our whole self. “If you’ve been divorced, you might have to get some stuff back in order to fully devote yourself to your current marriage,” said Sheri. We were created for wholeness and intimacy, and part of that involves becoming vulnerable and letting people see the real us. “It’s like an eyeball- touching contest!” Danny explained as the class laughed. “It’s really scary being vulnerable! It takes courage, but it will strengthen your connection.” Can I be real with you? Can you handle who I am? Will you still value me? Will you still love me as I am? Mature love says, “Yes!” 

(More crucial keys for connection can be found in Danny’s NEWEST edition of DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP Course! 

DVD set, CD set, and Workbook are available now at www.lovingonpurpose.com. More information can be found at: dtr.lovingonpurpose.com. Lessons include Love Languages, The Communication Dance, 7 Pillars of Healthy Relationships, and Powerful People, Powerful Decisions. Stay tuned for Week 3 of the Silk’s Relationship Class!) 

Stephanie Foster Loving On Purpose Intern